After 11 days in the hospital, I closed my eyes, clicked my ruby slippers, and whispered, "There's no place like home." This time on day 11 it actually worked. I was able to come home to celebrate Emma's 7-week birthday in the comfort of my own living room. I was expecting to walk in the door and miraculously be cured of all my pain and to be able to care for my baby. The past 24 hours have proven me wrong.
I lost a lot of weight, muscle-tone, and strength over the past 2 weeks. I'm walking at a snail's pace, but I'm able to get around independently. I never thought about how hard the 3 stairs would be to get into my house; three little stairs that I hadn’t given a second thought until stepping on them yesterday. They were difficult to manage, so I hung out in the living room until 9:00 at night when I could brave the 14 stairs to my comfy bed.
It hurts to hold my baby. It hurts to do anything. I want to take care of Emma on my own, but sadly I almost can't even take care of myself right now. I have a hard time getting out of bed. I get a little dizzy in the shower. I can't pick things up off the floor. I know I just had major surgery but it's no fun feeling helpless and having to rely on someone for everything. I have come to the realization that I'm not going to be able to do this alone and that I definitely need help during the day while Dan's at work this week and probably next week as well.
I wanted to take this entry to thank my amazing family who have stepped up to the plate and cared for Emma while I was hospitalized, and who visited and sat with me in my awful room all those times. I've never been one to seek help for anything, but right now I have no choice. Each and every family member has been incredible and for that, I am eternally grateful. If Dan and I didn't have the support of our family, we probably would have to have hired a really expensive nanny or Dan would have to take unpaid leave from work. I'm not getting paid right now since I'm on maternity leave, so that would have been a huge financial burden as well as an emotional one of leaving Emma with a stranger when she was so young. This whole situation has really made me stop and think about how nothing really matters excepts your family and close friends.
If anyone is feeling like they're intruding on our privacy or family time, please don't. We need the help and I need the company! There's a cute baby to cuddle and you can watch me make a fool of myself on my wonderful Dilaudid narcotics! In all seriousness though, our family has truly been amazing. Positive thoughts across the state and from other states, Emma-sitting, making food for Dan to eat and now for me to eat so we don’t have to worry about cooking, sleeping in my bed to help at night-they are truly amazing!
For those that care, this is a picture of my 6-inch incision directly through my belly button. My stomach is still swollen and has the staples in it in this picture, but it’s the only one that I got before having the staples removed. The anal-retentive side of me is really annoyed that my amazingly talented surgeon could not cut a perfectly straight line down the middle of me. Now my scar is going to be crooked!
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